I want to be everything you want in a girlfriend. I just keep messing it up. Ruining thihgs thst are good for me comes naturally in my life. I am constantly doing everything wrong. If our relationship dies, I know it will be my fault. No matter what happens, it will always come back to me. How you manage to stay with me after all the chaos, I have no idea.. Anyone else would have left. Anyone else wouldn’t have held back. They would have sent the text you almost sent me last night. Now I can’t help but be even more paranoid. I am terrified of those words. And yet, in the back of my head, I am almost waiting for it, as if I will hear them soon? I hope that isn’t the case. I truly believe we can make it through this, no matter how much our hearts deny it. I just don’t know how it will happen. You sent me a text saying you miss the beginning of our relationship. When I had constant chills and smiled around you even when I was Depressed. I don’t know what happened to that.... it just got destroyed by my dad and the pain he brought along. It ruined me and then getting caught/suspended, made it even worse. I feel as though I am stuck in this empty pit of hell, darkness surrounding me and for some reason, the only time I can get out is when I am with friends. I don’t know what has happened to me and I don’t know why. But it did. I hope we can find a way around it.