Goodbye

I hate saying goodbye. It's my least favorite word of the English language.
But sometimes it is necessary...
And this is one of those times.

You've been in my life since I was born.
You were a great father to me when you were in my life.
But now, with circumstances I can't change, and events I couldn't prevent, it's time that I let go.

I honestly never thought that I could say it.
I never thought I would choose to not have you in my life. But as it so happens, I am.

I understand that this will change both of our lives forever.
But you fucked up too badly...
I thought I could forgive you.. But I can't.
I will always love you.
You will always be my dad.
But this is something that I have to do. For me. For mom. For Brittany. And for my brothers.

You were an amazing dad and friend to me. We've been through everything together. You knew every thing about me. Down to each small detail. You knew every event that went on in my life. You knew things I wouldn't tell anyone else. You knew my deepest secrets, my hidden passions, my loves, my hates... everything.
I will never forget the father that you were.
But I can't change my decision.
No matter how much I wish I could.

I wish with EVERYTHING in me that things could go back to normal, but they can't.
Especially with me remembering what happened in my past.
You think you can be a good dad to me, and despite EVERYTHING, I believe you.
But I can't let you.
I'm sorry. It makes me sick to my stomach to come to this conclusion, and this ending...
But it has to happen.
Maybe one day in the future, I'll come back to you. Actually, I know I will.
But for now... I NEED to live my life happily. And the only way to do that, is without you.

I was looking at pictures of you, and it was like I had never seen you before in my life.
I knew you were my dad, but it was like I was looking at a complete stranger...
That's probably the worst feeling ever.

I'm in a lot of pain doing this...
But I have no other choice.
Dad, I love you and I always will.
But I have to say goodbye.

You will always be my dad... but I can't let you be in my life anymore. I'm sorry.