The Tears Are Back

God.. I've NEVER been clingy towards anyone like this.
I don't understand why I can't just tell myself that it's okay and believe it.

Seriously. He said good night and I started crying again. I hate when we stop talking. It hurts me so badly.
I've gotten into this state of mind that whenever he leaves, he won't come back. It's almost every time.
When he leaves to do homework... When he falls asleep. When we have to go to class in school.

At least at school I can hold on to him... He's starting to catch on about how I feel.
I'm so clingy... I'm so scared when he leaves.

He just promised me he won't make me live without him..
But I can't believe him... As much as I want to. I am way too paranoid.. So many people have left before.. So many people have lied to me before... SO many people have hurt me before.

I don't want to keep going through this every night...
It's like every night, my heart gets broken.

I know this is ridiculous. But I don't know how to fix it. As soon as he says he has to go, my heart drops and my stomach clenches.
I hate feeling like he won't come back..

So here I am... ONCE again... Crying way too much over something that I shouldn't be shedding tears over to begin with...

I love you, Ryan. I'm sorry I'm so pathetic and unreasonable.