Why? God, I don't know.
He has given me reasons, yeah.
But damn, dude.
Do you not understand how paranoid, emotional and pathetic I am?
Paranoid:
I'm ALWAYS psyching myself out. I'm constantly thinking I'm saying or doing the wrong thing. I always think I'm messing up and am ruining shit. I keep letting myself think that things are worse than they are. Like when we fight, you're gonna leave me because you'll realize how fucked up I truly am and you won't want to deal with me anymore.
Emotional:
God. Do you realize how easy it is to make me cry? When people insult my music, I almost start crying sometimes. When people call me a whore, same thing... (Except Sarah. I know she's joking.)
And every time you say goodnight or stop texting me to do homework, I cry. Almost EVERY TIME.
Pathetic:
When you say casual shit, I say "awh". I squeal like a little 5 year old when you send me sweet texts. When you call me baby, or say I'm cute or something, I get butterflies. Like, intense fucking butterflies.
You don't get it. And back to the emotional thing... I know I told you this about an hour and a half ago...
But seriously.
Every time you say you're going to text me later, my stomach DROPS. I get that horrible feeling like you do when you're about to cry. And then before I know it, I have tears streaming down my face.
Even when you're just saying goodnight and I'm not tired... It's because I know I have to stay up until I manage to pass out. I have to stay up wide awake and think about you, and not be able to talk to you.
It makes me feel like when you say goodbye for even the shortest period of time, it's like you're saying goodbye forever.
I get the worst feeling in my stomach and I start crying. It makes me sad. No matter WHAT we were talking about. It always makes me sad when you leave.
You love me. I love you.
But God damn. I wish we could go back to the 3pm to 3am conversations... So I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore..
But we can't do that until my phone's screen gets fixed. :(
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