Had A Slight Breakdown Today

I really miss Ryan. I knowwww he's on his way home RIGHT now and I'm gonna see him tomorrow. But STILL.
I fucking miss him. And I've BEEN missing him for a week now.
It hurts my heart when he's not around.
Especially for times like earlier when I needed him. (And right now...)

I thought it was just every day Depression kicking in after thinking about my dad while watching Secret Life.
Then when Sarah asked what it was that was bothering me, I realized it was a lot more and I couldn't hold it in until her dad walked in and I had no choice.

Cassidy... I haven't seen her since last summer and that is killing me... I miss her to death.
Also about Cassidy... I'm SO scared that she won't like hanging out with me anymore because we're SO different now.

Mackenzie was pissed off a lot and that was stressing me out because I thought I had done something wrong. (We just got that cleared up, so we're fine.. But I was still sad about it earlier.)

I realized why being at Sarah's was so relieving for me. It's not just because she's my best friend, but it's also because I HATE being at my house. I HATE IT. My mom stresses me out DAILY. And frankly, my house is no fun to be in. So, I like avoiding my house and my parents. Sarah's was kinda my safe haven for break...

Also, my ipod is STILL gone. I'm almost positive Jimmy's friend JC stole it. There's no way in hell it could be charging when I leave and the next day when I come home, be totally gone. Like, NOWHERE in the house.
I need music more than anything else in my life. So that's been like my main emotional toll.

And Ryan's been gone... I don't even have to explain anything there....

There's a lot more, too. It's just all this stuff that I've been holding in that I shouldn't have.

I'm tired of crying. But it keeps happening.
I'm even happy right now, and Sarah simply saying "He'll be home soon baby doll. <3" made me cry. I'm soooooo unstable right now. I need Ryan. And it's driving me crazy. Tomorrow is too far away.
He hasn't contacted me all day and I am so stressed...

I want to stay up and wait for him to come home and talk to me, but I know that will just make my emotions worse. So I'm going to bed soon. Because I need to stop psyching myself out and making myself cry.