I Wish Someone Had Been There To Warn Me It Was A Bad Idea

Ryan and I are both feeling the same way.
Betrayed.
Backstabbed.
Alone.

We are both pissed at my friends. But he is more so. He wants to kick Brogin and Ashlee's asses.
He told me he loves them all dearly, but because we almost got ripped apart, he is pissed.

I know they didn't mean to hurt us... I know it was unintentional because they were wasted...
But I can't help but feel they did it on purpose... Ashlee egging it on the entire time for Ryan to get with Brogin.. As if that's not bad enough, she did it so she could hook up with ME.

You know, I'm happy Brogin got his first kiss.... But I'm so upset that it was Ryan... MY boyfriend...
I was thinking about how I feel when Ryan leans in real fast and slowly kisses me...
And the image that keeps floating through my head is when he kissed Brogin..
I got so insanely pissed off and jealous that he did that to someone that wasn't me...
And that stresses me out a lot...
I don't know how I can continue to face my friends, and Ryan..
It's so hard..

I don't know what happened to me. But as soon as I realized what was going on, I instantly sobered up.
That's when I got pissed off and depressed as shit.

Ryan says he's gonna make sure we are never in a situation like that again...
I hope he's right.

What I need help with is figuring out how to go back to normal with everyone.
Especially Ryan...
Because last night is so vivid in my head that I forgot what mine and his relationship was like before we got drunk... I forget how we feel when we're together sober... I can't get that feeling back...

I want everything to go back to normal as if nothing happened... I want to forget last night...

And I know I still have a good friend in all of my friends...
Ashlee was comforting me all night and even this morning.
Ken was constantly apologizing to me and asking me if I was okay. So was Loginn.
Brogin apologized and now he's coming to get me so we can walk around town together and talk.