"Do you think that our love can create miracles?"

All I can do is pray and pray and pray that Ryan and I will be okay...

The more I think about what happened last night, the more I realize how badly our relationship got fucked over...

I'm terrified... Ryan's my life... He's the love of my life and I can't imagine living without him...
And I'm so scared that this will tear us apart. Right now, it seems like, "oh, we'll get past it and everything will be okay."
But I can't help but wonder if I'll never get over this... If it will tear me apart... and then go for both of us...

Ryan's going to college..
He's leaving. And I'm staying here...

Anything can happen...

Ryan...
So much has been going on.
I don't know what to do about any of it. At least until this summer when we can get away from all of this and be together.
I hope we can get through this.. I hope everything truly ends up okay... Even though right now, that seems improbable and impossible...

I don't know what to do.. I don't know how to move on from this...
I want to. I want to forget this and live as though this never happened. But I don't think it's physically possible at this moment in time...

Being in this house is a constant reminder of what happened. I can't go anywhere inside or outside around my house without remembering something of last night...
It's slowly killing me from the inside out.

Everywhere I go, reminds me of everything that shouldn't have happened. Mom says we're looking for a bigger house in town to move into. Maybe then, I can get over this and move on... But until I can get out of this house, this is something I have to live with and face every day of my life until this house is out of my life.

I feel hopeless. And I feel alone.
I've never felt so alone in my life.
Yeah, I still have my friends.
But I feel like I lost you. I feel like you're gone and I'm never gonna get you back.
Like when Noah lost Allie... But eventually she came back to him... And I can only hope that you'll do the same, and come back to me.

I know I lost you. Even if you don't know it. In a way, I lost you. You're no longer mine... And until you're mine again, I'm alone... Now more than ever.