Us... Then and Now

I think back to the day we first met...
When we were in Radio and how infatuated with you I was...

I've told you this before, but I can't stop thinking about it.

You're the reason I stayed in Radio, because I was so close to switching out and being a T.A.

You barely knew I was alive.. You saw me every now and then, but didn't pay any attention to me.
To you, I was barely existed.
But I thought about you all the time... WAY more than you thought about me.
So there we were... Me secretly in love with the guy who barely knew my name.

From there, we eventually became friends. We were talking about 90% of each day.. From IMing on Facebook, to texting the rest of the time.
From there, you started to catch on, until I told you I liked you.

You didn't leave like I thought you would. You didn't get weirded out and ditch me because I was the depressed, emo Sophomore girl who liked you a little too much... You stayed and were still my friend, even though it was a little awkward for a while...
And that's when you and I helped each other out of Depression... We became closer, and you became my Invincible.

After that, I guess you were thinking about me one day and something inside your brain clicked, because before either of us knew it, you were telling me you were in love with me.
I will NEVER EVER EVER forget that day... I remember everything about it so clearly.
I especially remember the first text from you saying, "I guess I'll finally say it... I love you too, Lindsey."

We both know the beginning of our relationship was awkward as fuck.
Because we started with the awkward 3 days, when we were a "thing", but weren't together.
I remember sitting by you at lunch and wanting to kiss you, but knowing I shouldn't... Until that very same day, I waited for you after school, until the buses were there. You still hadn't shown, and I was going to Sarah's house. I went in and said goodbye to you. And of course, got mocked by all your friends. Isaiah specifically. So, as we were about to get on the bus, Ciara noticed that I was kinda disappointed and offered to take us, so I could wait for you to get done with your test or whatever it was.

I sat in Plaza 4. For a while, hoping to see you come out of Spear's class.
When you never did, Sarah came in and sat with me. We talked with Mrs. Strong and some friends, and I thought I was wasting my time. So I told them we should leave, since I already said goodbye to you anyway.
Almost as if you knew my thought process, you appeared in front of me, and grabbed my hand. We walked to the commons and stood by Hodges's room as you told me how surprised you were that I was still there.
We talked for a few minutes, and then I remember seeing Jake and Stephen run by, practicing for baseball..
I commented saying, "oh, that's awkward.." and after that, you pulled me in and kissed me. I got the most intense butterflies, and smiled as you asked me to be your girlfriend.
For a second, I thought about fucking with you and saying "nope!" and then saying yes, but I couldn't do it. It was so impulsive to just say yes right away. And then you kissed me again, and led me back to my friends, where Sarah gave me a look, and I tried to tell her, but all that came out was, "we... uhm... yeah..."
And all she could utter was "FUCKING FINALLY." or "It's about fucking time!" I can't remember which.
I remember biting my lip, smiling like an idiot, and being dragged off by Sarah, with you kissing me one last time, and trying to keep hold of my hand as I walked away. You turned down the hall, and once you were about halfway down, Sarah let out this ridiculous sound, and I told everyone to shut up until we got outside. I grabbed my bag, and practically ran out of the school, into the rainy afternoon. With Ciara, Megan, and Sarah on my heels, I couldn't help it... I turned into a little preppy school girl and let out a squeal. Sarah laughed at me and that's when we realized, that you were still heading to your car, and probably heard us. I mean, we WERE talking really loudly and a lot of squealing was coming out of all of us.
I couldn't stop smiling, with tears in my eyes, on our way to Sarah's house.


For the first month of our relationship, we didn't talk much... It was a lot of holding each other, and staring into each other's eyes.
But then we became more comfortable with the idea of us being a couple.
And we couldn't get enough of each other. We started goofing off with each other and being ourselves. We got use to being around each other, and everything accelerated and got so much better from there.
You became everything I had ever hoped for.

Now as I think back, I wonder how we got here...
So much has changed, while at the same time, so much has stayed the same.
I wonder what will happen....
In the future... I wonder if... I wonder if what happened will change our relationship as much as I feared... I wonder if we'll be able to just get over it...
I wonder if we'll ever be the same..

And most of all... I wonder if we're still gonna get married... I hope we can still be happy...