Sleep... Something I'm Becoming Scared Of

When I woke up at 5am, it was to fast, heavy breathing, cold sweats, and my entire body trembling uncontrollably. Do I remember why? Not at all.

I hate sleeping when Ryan's not by my side. And last night was terrible.
Now, I just realized what time it is, and I know how exhausted I am. But I don't want to go to sleep.

For several reasons:
1. I am terrified of having dreams...
2. Falling asleep alone is painful and hard to tolerate...
3. I won't lie, sometimes I get scared that I'll never wake up.

So now, what am I gonna do?
Go into my bed, wear Ryan's jacket and hide under the covers... as I try to erase all memory of last night, so I can sleep peacefully enough in my own bed... When really, all I want is to be outside, under the stars. I'd much rather fall asleep out in the open, under the moon, where I know I'm protected, than be inside my house, where memories will continue to haunt me.

To those of you who don't know me personally, I know what I just said won't make sense to you...
But hey, that's how it is...

Wish me luck... Good night... Er, in general... just... night..