I feel bad for being so sad earlier... I have the most amazing guy in my life, and that should be 100% of my happiness. That should be enough to keep me in a good mood.
And I thought it was.
It's a good thing I drew a butterfly on my wrist yesterday, and named it after Ryan... Otherwise I'd be fucked and everyone would be upset with me again.
Today started off with me aggravated at everything for no reason. It was one of those days when I was just in an irritable mood. Until I saw Mackenzie. And it was hard to be in a bad mood because she knows how to get me out of the irritability. She gets like that too. So all she had to do was make me laugh, which comes naturally to her.
Then I saw Ryan. And I couldn't help but find that sense of happiness and peace.
Choir went amazingly and Mackenzie and I walked down the hall singing to Sweeney Todd.
From there, the day went well... Until 4th. Study hall.
I sat in the Art Room, as always, and drew graffiti. It's my new found talent.
I was okay. I didn't talk to anyone. Not even Sarah... She seemed bothered by me?
So, I sat by Maria, blasted my iPod and zoned in.
My iPod got the the song "Light On" by David Cook... A song my dad and I use to listen to together and sing together in the car.
I instantly started crying.
So I left the Art Room with 10 minutes left in class. Headed towards Geometry, put my stuff down, and waited for a few minutes until I headed to Plaza 4 to see Ryan.
He didn't know I was sad then. I tried to hide it. I thought I did a bad job... Maybe I'm better than I thought.
He made me happy, though. I couldn't help but feel better when I was in his arms.
Then I went to class.
I hate 5th period with a burning passion. It's when the bad shit goes down. Every day.
The only times it is good is when my group, (Sarah Weiss, Codie Lagao, Cole Craig, Spencer Greene, Mckenzie King, and myself), ignore everything going on and just make jokes and talk all period. Cole is really good at making us all laugh and smile.
But today was different. We had a quiz I wasn't ready for, and I was sad anyway. Spencer wanted to leave with me, but didn't. So, I left the room with Sarah and Cole staring after me with concerned looks.
I didn't say anything. I just went to Saraceno.
He let me vent. He gave me advice. I cried a lot. He understood everything.
It helped a lot being able to isolate myself from people and get some of my emotions out.
At about 2:45 I went back to class and sat by Cole. Everyone was still spread out for the quiz.
Cole just watched me. He understood. Codie told us we should talk more... I guess we're a lot alike.
He wrote me a note asking what was wrong.. So I told him. We passed the note back and forth and by the time I told him about my dad... He didn't know what to say..
Nobody every does.
But then he told me a secret of his... And I felt bad for wanting that relationship with my dad again.
But he told me not to worry about it.
He gave me this look and it comforted me. Cole's a good friend.
Then I went and saw Ryan. I was still Depressed, but I can't help but smile around him.
He took me in his arms and I wish I never had to leave. He makes me feel so safe.
Then Jake came around and gave me a hug, too.
He looked at me and knew something was wrong.
Ryan noticed too.
I told him what was wrong, and tried my best not to cry. I'm pretty sure it showed.
Right as he kissed me, Mackenzie showed her lovely face.
She threw me one of her many hilarious faces and I smiled. She called me a bitch and apparently Ryan wasn't okay with that.(:
"Don't call my bitch a bitch, you bitch."
I can't think of it without laughing.
Mackenzie and I have been making fun of it for a while.(: I think it's a new inside joke.
Then she left and it was just me and him.
Ryan was there. He was with me and he was staring at me. He held me and kissed me and made everything better. He's so good at making me happy.
After he left, I said goodbye to Jake and talked with Jessie and Mackenzie.
We were being the stereotype of teenage girls. We started talking about boys.
And it was great.
Then Mackenzie and I left.
And here I am.
In my second home, with my second family. About to play a ridiculous game.
I was sad before... But now, I can't complain. Everything is okay again.
I knew it wouldn't last for too long.
Jake sent me a picture which is all I could think today.
"Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won't last forevver. And if things are going bad, don't worry. It can't last forever either."
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