Depression

Depression is something that seems impossible to escape. The feeling of sorrow for either none or many reasons. All the time, constantly feeling hopeless. Music and art and friendship help me survive every day. As I struggle to find strength in myself, I find myself being more and more scared to continue through the day, let alone the week, month, year... What do I do when I'm numb to the core? The only thing I thought could make me feel again. I grabbed anything that could break skin and make me bleed. The pain was what I wanted. What I craved. Emotional pain is life-threatening. Physical pain is only temporary. Transferring the emotional to physical made me feel alive, but once it was over, I felt bad about what I had done. I purposefully damaged my skin. Skin God created for a reason.l What helped me stop my cutting urges was when I fell in love. Real love. For the second time in my life, love was what saved me from myself.
Having someone in my life that made me happy simply by being alive.
Someone who took up 90% of my daily thoughts.
Someone I was always talking to.
He changed how I looked at life. He gave me something to look forward to everday. For a while I thought my Depression was gone, but the truth was, it only ceased for the time being. When I can find aspects about life that I can put my passion into, my mind is occupied and I can find peace, if only for a moment or two.
When I start drawing, it's like an instant high. I can take time to find something to draw, but once I start, I don't stop until it's done.
My music is something that is a part of me. I have had a passion for music since I was little. It's gotten me through everything in my life. Good and bad. When I feel like my hope is dying, I turn it up a little louder, to drown out the world, and my thoughts. When I', trying to stay sane, music is what heals me. Nobody except a few people truly understand that. I wish more people could understand that. Could understand me. Could understand my thought process.
I've been in and out of hell my entire life. Being fought over by God and Statan. My life has put my through so much pain, that I learned from it, and it taught me how to be real. So I guess that I am thankful. Even though in the time, it makes so sense. In the long run, I'm glad I can look back on what I've surpassed.