Bipolar... Depression, Anxiety...

I'm tired of this. Seriously fed up with my emotions.
I've been so suicidal this week.... Today I almost cut again.
I don't understand why all of a sudden Depression is hitting so hard on everyone. It's not just me.
It's Ryan too. And Jared. And Mackenzie... Everyone's lives are going to hell.
I don't know what to do about it.
It's stressing me out and making me feel worse and worse.
Going to school is the worst feeling so far.
Going to a building full of people who hate me and judge me based on every little movement I make.
People who talk so much shit about stuff they don't understand.
I hate going to school and having to go from class to class, stuffing my emotions down my own throat so I can get my work done.
I'm tired of seeing my boyfriend in so much pain... I hate seeing him so different... And it's killing me knowing that I'm taking part in it... As much as he says I'm not a reason for his mood change, I know it's not true.
There is NO way it was just coincodence that right as we start dating, he stops trying in school, stops enjoying everything he usually loves, and starts cutting himself too...
Everything we talked about today made me cry so much. I can't believe I managed to stop.
I can't handle all this emotional rollercoaster-ness.
It's all stressing me out so much I feel like I'm in going to explode with sadness.
My anxiety is through the roof. It's making me sick to my stomach...
Ryan isn't being himself, and that hurts me so much.
I'm not being myself either... Which makes things worse.
Everyone is depending on me to stay strong... I CAN'T.
I'm losing every bit of strength I have left.
Nobody understands how much sadness I'm feeling all the time.
All this chaos is taking the worse emotional toll on me... On my personality, on my mood, and on my body physically.
Being crowded around, even by friends, makes me anxious. Makes me want to puke, like I'm claustrophobic, but I don't have claustrophobia AT ALL.
I'm the least claustrophobic person you will ever meet, and yet, I feel like it when too many people are around me at once.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't stay strong forever.
I've been strong my entire life.
I think it's time that I'm not strong for once...
I saw it coming...
I'm not sure if anyone else did...
But I know it's not surprising to me.
I just wish I could stop being in so much pain.
It's too much.

I hurt. Ryan hurts.
It's not okay...
God, please. I pray to you with everything in me that you relieve this pain from our lives. At least for a while. PLEASE.