God. So relevant... I seriously haven't gotten any peaceful sleep since Ryan's left for college..
I'm either:
a) Waking up all throughout the night.
b) Waking up late, and still being tired all day as if I got no sleep.
or
c) Sleeping all through the night, but having nightmares that wake me up, making me exhausted...
I miss him. I never dreamt anything bad when he was around me... I was always comfortable... and safe...
I don't know how to feel like I did when he lived here... How happy and normal I felt.
Everything is just off now.
I can't sleep. The only time I can smile and actually be happy is when I'm with my friends... But then I come home, and the loneliness creeps back into my heart and I feel hopeless.
I need him. I need him to wrap his arms around me and protect me.. Tell me that he loves me and that it'll all be okay.
Everywhere I go, I see trucks that look exactly like his, and I think he's home.. But he's not.
I pass buildings and think he's in there. That I'll receive a text from him any second saying "I see you", like last time... But I don't.
Every time I go around a corner, I think he'll be there to scare me. But he never is.
Whenever I get cold, I remember how I cuddled up with Ryan, but nobody's ever there to keep me warm.
The creek has an emptiness about it now... When I go there, I wonder why I'm there, because he won't be there waiting for me. I can't text him and have him meet me there like before. I can't see him.
Drew's gone. Isaiah almost never talks to me anymore, unless we meet up with Brittany and Nick for a little bit. The only reason I still go to the creek anymore is if I'm with Brittany, Nick, or Steve... Because, before Ryan, that was OUR hang out. That was where we had so many memories of last summer...
Now, it's tainted with memories of me, Ryan, Drew, and Isaiah. It hurts... Because they're all either gone, or leaving.
Going back with B, Nick or Steve... is just weird. I still do it.. I just... can't be 100% there.... not since they left.
But then again.. I can't be 100% anywhere when Ryan's gone..
Well... here's to another sleepless night alone.
The creek has an emptiness about it now... When I go there, I wonder why I'm there, because he won't be there waiting for me. I can't text him and have him meet me there like before. I can't see him.
Drew's gone. Isaiah almost never talks to me anymore, unless we meet up with Brittany and Nick for a little bit. The only reason I still go to the creek anymore is if I'm with Brittany, Nick, or Steve... Because, before Ryan, that was OUR hang out. That was where we had so many memories of last summer...
Now, it's tainted with memories of me, Ryan, Drew, and Isaiah. It hurts... Because they're all either gone, or leaving.
Going back with B, Nick or Steve... is just weird. I still do it.. I just... can't be 100% there.... not since they left.
But then again.. I can't be 100% anywhere when Ryan's gone..
Well... here's to another sleepless night alone.
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