Moonlit Passions: August 2012

Monday, August 27, 2012

Dissect The Music, You'll Be Okay

At least Sarah understands. <3 Take the song apart, and put it back together again.

Feel the music.

Listen to the lyrics. Apply them like they're coming from your own mouth. Or you're best friend's.

Focus. Guitar chords, drum beats... the way the voice strains or relaxes.

The note change in every instrument, voice, guitar, piano, violins, bass... Every instrument involved.

Pay attention to the drummer. He's one of the most important parts of the music. Listen to how the bass hits at every perfect moment to make you FEEL something. Pay attention to which part is being hit, and think of speeds.

Hear the emotion behind every word sung. The way it's sung is important to how the message comes through.

Or the air intake between phrases. Or the way the words trail off with a heavy breath at the end.

Notice all rhythms, and how perfectly they combine.

Hear the harmonies when more than one voice is singing.

Think of the story behind the song. Think of YOUR story behind the song... How different or similar they are.

Remember the song wasn't just written for the artist.. It was written for you too. They understand how you feel.. They're here for you. You're NEVER alone.

I Can't Remember The Last Time I Got A Full Night's Sleep

"Oh, can you tell I haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke?" - Mayday Parade (Stay)

God. So relevant... I seriously haven't gotten any peaceful sleep since Ryan's left for college..
I'm either:
a) Waking up all throughout the night.
b) Waking up late, and still being tired all day as if I got no sleep.
or
c) Sleeping all through the night, but having nightmares that wake me up, making me exhausted...

I miss him. I never dreamt anything bad when he was around me... I was always comfortable... and safe...
I don't know how to feel like I did when he lived here... How happy and normal I felt.
Everything is just off now.
I can't sleep. The only time I can smile and actually be happy is when I'm with my friends... But then I come home, and the loneliness creeps back into my heart and I feel hopeless.

I need him. I need him to wrap his arms around me and protect me.. Tell me that he loves me and that it'll all be okay.

Everywhere I go, I see trucks that look exactly like his, and I think he's home.. But he's not.
I pass buildings and think he's in there. That I'll receive a text from him any second saying "I see you", like last time... But I don't.
Every time I go around a corner, I think he'll be there to scare me. But he never is.

Whenever I get cold, I remember how I cuddled up with Ryan, but nobody's ever there to keep me warm.

The creek has an emptiness about it now... When I go there, I wonder why I'm there, because he won't be there waiting for me. I can't text him and have him meet me there like before. I can't see him.
Drew's gone. Isaiah almost never talks to me anymore, unless we meet up with Brittany and Nick for a little bit. The only reason I still go to the creek anymore is if I'm with Brittany, Nick, or Steve... Because, before Ryan, that was OUR hang out. That was where we had so many memories of last summer...
Now, it's tainted with memories of me, Ryan, Drew, and Isaiah. It hurts... Because they're all either gone, or leaving.
Going back with B, Nick or Steve... is just weird. I still do it.. I just... can't be 100% there.... not since they left.
But then again.. I can't be 100% anywhere when Ryan's gone..

Well... here's to another sleepless night alone.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Therapy

This song... Now I get why it's gotten Sarah through so much.

Here's the amazing speech from Alex. <3

Here's the song... <3

Three Days Grace is back on.

<3 Ohmygod. I wish I payed more attention. They have new songs. Adam has new songs. <3

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Songs I Want At My Wedding!!

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

Live Forever - Matt Morris

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Strangers Like Me - Phil Collins

Higher - Creed

With Arms Wide Open - Creed

Smile - Uncle Kracker

Follow Me - Uncle Kracker

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - Aerosmith

Stay - Mayday Parade

There Is - Boxcar Racer

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

Long Live The Reckless And The Brace - All Time Low

Life Is Going By Too Fast. It Makes Me Sad.

Tonight, I've been thinking about how things have changed. Where we've come, from where we've been.

At first, I was thinking about me, Brogin and Ken. How our friendship grew from nothingness, to what it is today. Pure, REAL friendship. Today proved that we don't have to hang out ALL the time to be best friends. Last time I saw them REALLY proved that, when I saw how happy Brogin was to see me. Ken wasn't in a good mood that day, but today... Was different... And by different, I mean better.
It was like it use to be. The three of us, going to 'Yo Cup', joking and laughing at bullshit, talking and catching up, coming back here, and playing Mario Kart and goofing off on the internet. We were all, basically cudding, on the couch reading and watching funny shit. And it was as always. We had a good time. And that really gave me faith in our friendship and my trust in them.

Then as they left, I went around town, in deep thought about everything. Life. The past 2 years particularly.
I thought about Freshman year. And everything I went through. How my friendships with Steve, Mackenzie, Brogin, and everyone were so different than they are now.
Steve and I were a "thing".
Mackenzie and I were absolute best friends.
Brogin and I barely knew each other.
Scout and I were practically sisters.... God, I miss that... I hope I can get that back one day.
Ken and I didn't even really know each other existed.

This is how things have changed.
But not just that. I mean, Freshman year, Ryan caught a glimpse of me. I don't know how many times he noticed me, I just know of one. It's crazy to think he knew of me back then, when I didn't know of him.
Then I think of Sophomore year. Early first tri, when I joined Radio. I met him, fell HARD in love, and thought I was invisible to not only him, but everyone... Everyone except teachers and my few friends... Sometimes they were my only reminders that I was real. That I actually existed.

I walked around, listening to music everywhere I went, as I always do, thinking that nobody could see me. I was just in my own world. Until every now and then, I would see Ryan... Or I would catch him looking at me. I had no idea what to do. I was a lost little girl with no hope, and no chance with someone like him. I knew it. But I couldn't help it. We had a connection. Something about him was drawing me to him more and more every day. I just wanted to be around him.. And I did all I could to be around him as much as possible. Except for when my dark side hit and I didn't DARE let him see that... So I found excuses to avoid him... As much as I could anyway. When I was in class, I didn't have much of a choice but to choke it back and hope he didn't notice. But he saw right through my mask... Because he has one just like it.

That was the beginning. The beginning of something I thought was impossible... and improbable.
But it happened.
He fell in love with me too.
From there, everything changed. I was no longer the hopeless girl, going everywhere with fresh love for a boy on my mind. Now, I was a very hopeful girl, going everywhere with love for a boy that had finally broken in.
We went from friends to dating in a time span of 3 days. 3 very awkward, amazing, REAL days.

Now look at us.

I remember before we were dating, when he gave me a ride home from the volleyball playoffs... That was the first time I had seen his little red car, that I had no idea I would eventually grow to love..

We had so many memories that I can recall simply from thinking of the car.
Then he graduated. That's when the little car full of memories went away...
Then we hit that rough patch in our relationship. About a month straight of fighting and ignoring.
That was when he got his truck. And I remember the first day I sat in that truck with him, fixing everything that had been broken during that month.
After that, he got his house in town, and it was the best thing that ever happened to our relationship. Though it was a short time.

I think of all that, and it makes me realize how fast life is moving. How things are passing by every day.. I mean, Ryan's in college now...
SO much has changed, and the more I think about it... It's really sad. Sometimes, I wish we could go back to how things were. When everything was fresh and new...
But now, everyone is so use to everything. And it's saddening... but at the same time, comforting.

I don't know. But sometimes, I REALLY wish I had a remote. And could rewing, pause, and fast forward time.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'm Ready

to be done with school.
to stop living in darkness.
to move to California with Ryan.
to start my life with him and our friends.
to start working hard on getting better at art and stuff for my future tattooing career.
to get out of this house.
to get my relationship with my dad back... despite everything, it's time to move on.
to stand up for myself now, along with those who matter to me.
to start being more self-dependent.
to start being somebody worth while.
to start having more fun with people who matter to me.
to start living my life the way it's suppose to be lived.
to broaden my horizons and be more open-minded.
to be more fearless and take more chances.
to stop holding grudges, and make amends.
to work harder and be more creative.
to be myself and be proud of who I am. In all aspects. It'll take time, but I'm a junior. This has to happen sooner or later. Rather sooner.
to stand out and make a statement.
to work towards my dreams.
to get over my fears and face them.
to start proving people wrong about me.
to move forward.

Yep. I Posted This Recently. Here It Is Again

Coffin - BVB (Black Veil Brides)
Andy Biersack, you are beautiful. <3

Take your crosses
I'll live without them
Standing wet in holy rain.
When you were baptized
Ignored the problem
That's when I watched you seal your grave.

I tried to save you
But let you drink the pain
A final song now we both know.
So I'm not givin' up
Won't let you suffocate me
You find your hell is home.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

Words as weapons
Pierce into you
So self-righteous, have it your way
I'm alive and now I'm burning
Say a prayer to end today

I tried to save you
But let you drink the pain
A final song now we both know.
So I'm not givin' up
Won't let you suffocate me
You find your hell is home.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

Never let you steal my after life
Never let you steal my after life

So I'm not givin' up
Won't let you suffocate me
You find your hell is home.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

The Mortician's Daughter

I listened to this after graduation.
I listen to this a lot when I'm sad. Lonely.

I think of Ryan. How no matter what, he's coming home eventually. <3

Sorry, Blog. Lots of Music Coming Your Way. Cry About It.

Another song that's gotten me through hell.
It got me through yesterday. <3

I don't really care if you guys listen to this stuff.. It's more for me.. My whole blog is. It's more for me when I need to write my thoughts down. I don't give two shits who reads this, listens to the music I post, comments or anything really.

So hear my voice, remind you not to bleed.

This song does a lot for me.
It's one that's gotten me through hell.
When my depression was brand new in my life, freshman year.
I just got into BVB and was in my "Emo" stage. (God... Society and their labels...)

If I Could Be Like That...

I'm really good at interpreting songs and making them fit into my life by how I hear them. What they mean to me, could be 100% different to somebody else.

That's the thing I love about music. How easily you can hear it in a different light.. How it could mean to somebody that isn't you.

This song holds a lot of meaning in my heart. It's a childhood song I use to listen to with my mom and dad all the time...
So many memories come from this song.
And even then, it still fits in with my life today on a deeper level.
"He spends his nights in California."
That lyric is relevant to my life currently. And if I kept on with that story, this song wouldn't have any relativity to me until it gets to "She spends her days up in the north park, watching the people as they pass. And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream. Is that too much to ask? With a safe home, and a warm bed. On a quiet little street. All she wants is just that something to hold onto. That's all she needs."
Then it's back on that story.

I know this will be difficult for some people to understand. But it's how my life works when it comes to music.
I interpret each song by line of lyric, and apply each lyric to my life.
Though most songs I listen to, don't need any interpretation and are fairly self-explanatory.

I don't know. Just some thoughts of today.

Not Sure How Long I Can Last Blonde.....

I REALLY wanna dye my hair blue and red already.

My current plan:
I'm gonna bleach my hair again as soon as possible.

See what color that makes the blonde I have now.
Keep that for a while, then go white.
Stay white for a month or two.
Then buy all the hair dye colors I want from Directions.
And go blue and red.
Once all that comes out of my hair, I can keep experimenting with the colors I bought.
After I'm bored with the colors, I'll go back to blonde.

Hopefully I can be patient. I realllyyyy want blue hair.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Coffin

Take your crosses
I'll live without them
Standing wet in holy rain.
When you were baptized
Ignored the problem
That's when I watched you seal your grave.

I tried to save you
But let you drink the pain
A final song now we both know.
So I'm not givin' up
Won't let you suffocate me
You find your hell is home.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

Words as weapons
Pierce into you
So self-righteous, have it your way
I'm alive and now I'm burning
Say a prayer to end today

I tried to save you
But let you drink the pain
A final song now we both know.
So I'm not givin' up
Won't let you suffocate me
You find your hell is home.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

Never let you steal my after life
Never let you steal my after life

So I'm not givin' up
Won't let you suffocate me
You find your hell is home.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

I don't owe you anything
You'll only die a dream forgotten.
I've got my pride so hear me sing
I'll never let you steal my coffin.

Unbroken

Now you're adrift in the sea of lies
A foolish villain in an endless chapter
The demons writhing behind your eyes
A simple shadow
We can fight together

I'll never walk away
Tear down! the walls that will surround
Cry out! Above the burning sound
Show me! How bleeding hearts still pound
If we stand together, we will be unbroken!

We carry forward into the night
The strength of innocence like children's laughter
An army standing for what is right
We'll fall like angels if we lose what matters

I will not walk away
Tear down! the walls that will surround
Cry out! Above the burning sound
Show me! How bleeding hearts still pound
If we stand together, we will be unbroken!

(Woah Woahh...)

We will not walk away
Tear down! the walls that will surround
Cry out! above the burning sound
Show me! how bleeding hearts still pound
If we stand together, we will be unbroken!

Tear down! the walls that will surround
Cry out! above the burning sound
Show me! how bleeding hearts still pound
If we stand together, we will be unbroken!

"Emo" stage back again?

Eh. Call it what you will.

Basically, I'm just listening to Black Veil Brides a LOT again.
They came out with two new AMAZINGGGGG songs. Unbroken and Coffin.

They're like my new favorite songs. The sound is incredible and the lyrics are amazing too.
I understood the meaning behind both as soon as I hear them. Unbroken is decently self explanatory.
But Coffin is a song most people would have difficulty interpreting. I got it pretty fast though. It's really emotional...

God I forgot how much I love Andy and his music. <3

Aside from that, I'm expanding my horizons a bit more, I guess you could say. I'm letting myself be more than just one "stereo type" I guess? It's hard to explain. Really, I'm just being myself.
I don't care how people label me.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Baby

i wish i could lay down next to you...
i wish i could hold your hand..
i wish i could kiss you and hug you..
i miss times like that.. when we can cuddle together... when you pull me in closer to you and hold me tight... When you kiss my forehead and tell me you love me... or even when you squeeze my hand to remind me you love me...
or when you looked me in the eye and smiled at me... or when i touched your skin and saw your goosebumps or felt you react... i miss having your arm to stroke with my fingertips.. I miss the scratch of your stubble on my cheek.. I miss sitting with my legs in your lap, talking for hours... or when you tickled me to make me laugh or smile. and i really miss whenever i tried to get away from you and you held me so tight i couldn't move. <3 it made me feel so loved...
or when you would call me things like "my baby", or "baby girl"..
I miss when you grabbed my lower back and pulled me in close to you to kiss me...
I miss when you would put my face in your hands and kiss me gently.. or the way you ran your hand up and down my legs. I miss the spontaneous kisses on the cheek you would give me when I was least expecting it... I miss talking about our future... I miss laying in the hammock with you at night... i miss laying next to you with your arm around me, and you squeeze me close to you.. i miss the times when i smiled between each kiss... or when i tried talking and you kissed me to shut me up.
I miss when you hugged me really tight...i miss everything...
i would do anything to have it all happen again..

Insecure.

Right now, a lot of things are going through my head.

But I can't help but think... Why am I still so self conscious and insecure when I lost so much weight this summer? Shouldn't I be proud and feel accomplished? Well, at least I did for a day.

Now, all I can think is, "It wasn't enough. You could lose so much more and be so much more and look so much more."

I look at myself now, and am disgusted. I find my ENTIRE body hideous.
My face and my hair is decently attractive. I have decently nice legs, I guess.
The rest of me, I can't stand. I want change. I want to be prettier.

I want to be beautiful inside AND out.
I want to be hot.
I want to be proud of how I look.
I want to NOT be so jealous of all my friends... Like Sarah and Cassidy. I can't stand how bad it hurts to be around them all the time when I look like this.

I want to be more, physically. Not just for me, but for Ryan.
I want to be everything I can be. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I just want to be beautiful... Inside and out..

Why can't I just be attractive?
Good thing Brittany and I are planning on hitting the gym as much as we can.

I'll work out until I'm skinny. That's basically my plan. Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Sing Your Little Heart Out, Dear. You'll Feel Better.

Music. It gets me through more than anyone/anything in the world.

"Music was her life. The lyrics were her story."
That's exactly me.

NOBODY gets that, except Sarah.
Because it's the same for her.

Sometimes, when I hold things in for too long (which I tend to do), I burst open.
That's when I plug in music to speakers, blast it, and sing with everything I have. Sing my emotions. And what comes from, not only the artist's heart, but mine as well.

It's my own therapy. Music. And singing.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

I Miss The Farm

This song reminds me of my life on the farm. When I could go out and just be... When, no matter how I felt, I could go out and be alone in nature.. I remember I had one specific tree I would always go and sit under that was next to the bridge above the creek we had.

It was such a peaceful place... You could hear coyotes howl at night... In the right season, the crickets would help me sleep. Hell, sometimes we even heard frogs. It was just beautiful. Everything about it was... Lightning storms were incredible and unforgettable with the clear skies we had. I loved going out and sitting in our fields, staring at the stars at night. Or playing with our 11 dogs during the day... Or training them around the sheep. Or waking up early to go get the eggs out of the chicken coop. Or doing chores around the farm. They were fun. I actually liked working on the farm.
I miss driving around the farm grounds while my grandparents were gone and had me and my brothers watch the farm. We would take turns taking care of everything each day. So sometimes it was them, and other times it was me.
I miss when we had puppies and we took care of them. I miss when we had lambs and took care of them too.
I miss the dogs... One of which died, and I'm sure the others have too...
I miss going out and looking for four leaf clovers with my mom when I was little.
I miss playing football with my brothers in the huge fields.
I miss taking care of the garden with my grandma and making homemade salsa and other foods.
I miss sitting around, eating delicious food and painting rocks to put around the garden.
I miss the fort we were building in the woods. I wonder if it's still standing.
I miss when it snowed and how beautiful it was... How my farm, turned into a wonderland.
I even miss the thick mud when it rained and we got absolutely filthy walking around. That was who I was.
I miss chasing snakes and trying to pick them up.
I miss throwing rocks at beehives with my brothers.
I miss collecting tadpoles in our hands and letting them go.
I miss the long walks I would take by myself, or with my brothers.
I miss climbing trees and chilling in them, writing songs or drawing.
I miss adventuring with my brothers, finding all sorts of new things all the time.
I miss my dog, Morgan.. and how close we were. She followed me.. She knew how I felt.. She and I were best friends. <3 I remember how broken-hearted I was when she died...
I miss working in the Garden Center with Grandma and making money from people she was friends with.
I miss the chocolate-mint plant my grandma had... I always had a leaf with me so I could smell it. It smelled exactly like chocolate mint ice cream.
I miss the burgers my dad use to make, and how often we had them.
I miss when we were a full family, and we actually ate dinner together, and had movie nights every week.
I miss our family game nights.
I miss when we were a family...
I miss blowing on the dandelions and picking apart the daisy petals.
I miss sleeping out on the trampoline.
I miss the beautiful eucalyptus tree we had in our yard.
I even miss the blackberry bushes and the amazing cobler my mom and grandma made together.
I miss helping out in the kitchen and learning new things about cooking.
I miss the dirt fights our whole family would have.
I miss the epic snowball fights, when Kyle and I would ALWAYS be a team because Kyle was my role model.
I miss the summer days when we would swim in our pool, or put the sprinkler under the trampoline.
I miss going out and standing in the pouring rain. <3
I miss playing poker late at night after long days on the farm.
I miss the natural happiness.
I miss the trailer and how many memories I've had in it...
I miss the large space where I could sing freely and not worry about people hearing me.
I miss waking up at 5am and taking early morning walks and watch the sun come up.
I miss the sunsets we would have.
I miss the horses that lived in the farm neighboring us.
I miss Brian, and the long rides on the Harley we would take through all the farmland.
I miss the trips to the fish hatchery.
I miss the amazing photography my mom and I did together.
I miss the beautiful paintings she would create.
I miss watching the clouds.
I miss the meteor showers we would watch.
I miss everything, but most of all,
I miss being young and innocent and living freely on a farm, where the only type of pain I felt daily were scrapes and bruises from rough housing around.

Saviour

Yeah I just made a post a little bit ago with this song.
Dude, this song is everything right now. So fuck off. haha.

The night is deafening
when the silence is listening
and I'm down on my knees
and I know that something is missing
because the back of my mind is holding things I'm relying in
but I choose to ignore it because I'm always denying them

I'm a bit of a manic when it's not as I plan it
'cause I start losing my head then I get up in a panic
Remember, when we were kids and always knew when to quit it
Are we denying a crisis or are we scared of admitting it?

I don't want to know

I just wanna run to you
and break off the chains
and throw them away
I just wanna be so much
and shake off the dust
that turn me to rust
Sooner than later, I'll need a saviour
I need a saviour

It will never change
if you want it to stay the same
I really hate it
but I know it's hard to choose if you're chained
and when it's all you control
'cause you got nothing else to hold
You're getting tighter and tighter
It's getting harder to let it go

I don't want to know

I just wanna run to you
and break off the chains
and throw them away
I just wanna be so much
and shake off the dust
that turn me to rust
Sooner than later, I'll need a saviour
I need a saviour

Stand me up and maybe I won't be so small
Free my hands and feet
and maybe I won't always fall
Save me

I just wanna run to you
and break off the chains
(Save me)
and throw them away
I just wanna be so much
and shake off the dust
(Save me)
that turn me to rust

I just wanna run to you
(Just wanna run to you)
and break off the chains
(Save me)
and throw them away
I just wanna be so much
(Just wanna be so much)
and shake off the dust
(Save me)
that turn me to rust
Sooner than later,
I'll need a saviour
(Save me)
I need a saviour

All The Notes You Wrote Me, I've Kept Them All

Sometimes I like to just lay on my bed and re-read your notes.
They bring me back.
To how things were and how much we've been through.

Same thing happens when I re-read my journal. I did that the other day, and got lost in it for about an hour.. Reading all my deep thoughts and feelings... Things I had forgotten, but remember so well once I'm reading them again.
Again, all we've been through. How long I've been infatuated with you..

If we could make it this far, we can make it longer. <3 I know we can... I just have to keep remembering the past.

Lights.. She's Perfect

Her face is perfect.
Her body is perfect.
Her hair is perfect.
Her music is perfect.
Her lyrics are perfect.
Her voice is perfect.

Saviour - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gpUf47Z60o&feature=relmfu

Quiet - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_exxTWKWxg&feature=fvwrel

Second Go - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPLRkyGU3cM

Face Up - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUZJ82eaH4k

(This one is Bring Me The Horizon with her.. It's beautiful though.)
Don't Go - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbIrhqwKhL8&feature=related

Walking Home Was The Worst Kind Of Hell

Walked home in the dark.
Listening to all the music I had that was how I felt.
I was bawling.
The entire way home... I was crying.
Instead of CUTTING, I kinda like, shoved a safety pin into my upper thigh as I was walking until the pain was sharp enough that I had to intake a breath really fast.
After that, I figured that was enough because I don't want to mess up my 14/15 weeks.
I walked home slowly, listening to music and singing out my emotions.
As I got to Ace, I was still crying.. Then the worst thing that could have happened at that moment, HAPPENED.

I saw Ashlee. We looked right at each other. Seriously, I stopped breathing.
Everything got slow and I thought I was gonna faint. Tears were pouring out of my eyes, and I tried to keep walking, but fell to my knees and threw up outside of the store.

I made it home, and mom's been taking it easy on me because she knows how much pain I'm in, so I just went to my room... And I've been feeling a lot of nothingness. Numb, cold, pain.

Talking to Garrett is helping, though. I've been chatting him and facebook and he's been keeping my mind off of it all...
I'm glad him and I are friends.
Now, it's time to go watch the meteor shower and miss Ryan. I'm gonna try to connect to him.. Hopefully he will sense something from me.. I hope we have a strong enough connection that he will. I love you, babe. <3
From now on... Who knows what will happen. All I know, is I'm gonna be crying myself to sleep for the next month, probably...

Wee, Depressing Music Of How I Feel