Yesterday

I know Mackenzie will read this post and just get pissed off again.
If she still even reads my blog at all.
But I hope she understands it from my point of view, because I know if this happened with her and Jake, she would want me to understand...

Yesterday started off with me at home, in a bad mood.
I woke up with a hangover of mine and Ryan's emotional discussion the night before.
We stayed up til 4am talking together.
But anyway. Yesterday, Ryan called me.
We had 2 phone calls and it was kinda nice..
To actually hear his voice talking to me when we aren't together.

After talking with him for about an hour, I took a shower, and until about 5, I was watching Pewdiepie videos on Youtube and listening to music and shit.
Ryan dropped Brogin off at my house, and him and I went to Cuppa Yo.
Ryan met up with us again and we all went to Drew's and hung out.
I sat on Brogin's lap while he played Portal and Ryan and Drewbie played World of Warcraft...
Nerds. :p

Brogin decided it was time to head to Mackenzie's.
So we left Drew's and Ryan played some music while we drove to Squaw Creek and talked about taking a road trip this summer. <3

We got to Mackenzie's and Brogin went inside while Ryan and I had a heart to heart.
All of a sudden, Ryan broke down.
And before I knew it, he was crying.
We continued our conversation of the night before...

I know how scared he was... He thinks he's gonna lose me... He actually thinks I'm too good for him... He's crazy.
I reassured him COUNTLESS times that I love him and that I will never ever leave him.
I told him that all night long.
He was crying, and I told him that I had as long as he needed.
I knew Kenz would get angry. But I didn't care. Honestly, at that moment. I didn't care.
It was me and him and that was much more important than the Amnesia party.
I'm really sorry, Mackenzie. Again, I am.
But Ryan needed me and I had to be there for him.
He held me and cried... I told him EVERYTHING I could. Anything that came to mind, came out and I don't think I've ever seen him so emotional.
It was the best feeling ever to be REAL with him. We were the perfect couple. We literally were the perfect two...
We complete each other and it was great once I realized that.
It was probably the most powerful thing in the world, to see how much love Ryan truly has for me...
To think that he ACTUALLY loves ME... It's weird and it doesn't make sense to me... Until he's tightening his grip on me while crying because he's terrified to lose me.

All I wanted to do was comfort him, and I'm glad it worked.
It seemed as though everything that came out of either of our mouths made our love stronger.
We were both 100% honest with each other about everything.
And I love that we could do that.

He vented to me... And he repeated himself a lot, which actually made me happy because the more he said how scared he was to lose me, the more love I could feel from him.
Ryan... He just.... he's amazing.... And he doesn't know it...

I love him so much.

"And I realized that then you were perfect " - Manchester Orchestra - I Can Feel A Hot One

Then it was time to go to Mackenzie's.