Worst Morning Of My Life

First off, I had one of the worst dreams ever.
It was of Sarah and I getting taken away, addicted to drugs, and raped by this one guy. I remember everything about the dream, because it felt SO REAL. I remember everyone's faces... I remember all the smells, all my thoughts, movements, EVERYTHING. It was the scariest thing I've ever imagined while asleep.
I woke up at about 7-7:30ish., crying and shaking and when I came close to falling asleep again, EVERY SINGLE TIME, my body would JERK me awake. It wouldn't let me get back to sleep until about 9am..
Woke up then with a horrible feeling in my stomach and heart that something bad would happen. And it did.
Ryan and I were both depressed, and we got into another fight. We both felt as though everything was falling apart.
I, once again, felt useless, meaningless and EXTREMELY unimportant to everyone.
I cried for about 3 hours.

Buzzy and Donny came over, and dragged me out of the house and over to Ray's.
Lara was there, and by then, I was crying again.
Slightly and unnoticeably, but I was still crying.
Ryan told me that he thinks I'm gonna break up with him for one of my stoner friends, like Ray or Steve...

That hurt a lot to hear that he thought I would leave him.
But I ALWAYS feel like he's gonna leave me.
We're both paranoid and emotional..
We didn't really talk for the rest of the day until now. Things are better now.. but still not as good as they could be.

Then I called Sarah, told her the basics, and got bitched at by her and Codie, and my emotions took over and I just got pissed and wouldn't even be nice to THEM. I don't know if they noticed, but I was FURIOUS and as soon as I realized that, I hung up. I didn't want to ruin any friendships by saying anything I didn't mean.

I'm back home... I'm emotional as fuck. And I'm tired, but my heart is telling me I can't go to sleep without Ryan tonight... It's another one of my gut feelings.. So I'm probably gonna stay up all night... Or pass out later due to exhaustion...