The Fourth.

The 4th of July has always been one of my favorite holidays. It's tied with Halloween. Easily.

I have spent about 90% of my Fourth of July's with Cassidy.
But recently, I haven't.
Last year, I spent it with my stoner friends, causing havoc. haha. Good times.(:

This year, I was gonna spend it with Ken and Brogin. But Brogii went to California, and Ken doesn't want to hang out at all.
Plus, Ryan was at the beach. So I thought I was gonna be alone for my favorite holiday.

Until Sarah... Bless her soul...
She made it happen that I could go with her, Loginn and Ross. Logan Calmettes was suppose to come, but didn't. Then Brett Pray was suppose to join us, but he made other plans.

So. We hung out at Sarah's for a while, and I started feeling bad about myself.. Looks wise. Due to hanging out with Sarah and Loginn. I tried ignoring it.

We packed the car with blankets, and we headed for Bend.
The car ride was kinda fun, kinda boring. I should have brought my music.
We talked and joked for a little while, took some pictures, and Sarah played some music from her phone. But then it really started to set in.

Compared to Sarah and Loginn, I'm VERY unattractive. Sarah is GORGEOUS and Loginn is really cute.
Since I am neither, I felt really.. I don't know.. Outnumbered?
We got to the house and we sat down outside and ate chicken and drank soda.(:
Ross broke himself, so he was being waited on.
He and Sarah were on a bench together, and I was sitting on the chair his leg was resting on. Loginn stood. haha.
We talked about stuff.
And I'm not sure how it happened.. But we talked about things I didn't really want Ross to know..

We were joking about things we really shouldn't joke about, but we do that all the time.
And the guy waiting on Ross came out and made a joke... Saying "nobody's cutting themselves out here, right?"
And Sarah and I look at each other and burst out laughing. Loginn didn't hear, but if she had, she would have laughed too. The 3 of us all cut... And Ross was the one outnumbered now.
It shouldn't have been funny, but it was.
And then we talked about suicide. And I was gonna tell Sarah something about it, and then I stopped, so Ross wouldn't catch on. He did, though. He said "Wait, did you try killing yourself the other day?"
And I was about to say no when Sarah said "maybe..."
Thanks.
So we talked about it and he made me and Sarah promise to let him know if I ever felt like that again so he could come help me out.

Anyway, after a while we headed to this park and played on the playground and swingset. It was fun. We were having a good time, talking and joking about shit.

I was being absurd... but whatever. No shame!
After a while, I got really upset. Ryan and I were arguing and I was still feeling like a troll. So I went and sat on this springy elephant thing and Ross came over and talked to me, since I wouldn't talk to anyone else about it.
I told him what was going on, after a lot of convincing from his part.
He told me to not worry about it, because he thinks I'm awesome.
He told me all this stuff about me that he likes and I started feeling a little better about myself.

Apparently I'm a really funny bitch.

So, he hugged me and him and I kept talking while we headed to get the blankets from the car and lay in the grass to watch fireworks.
We watched the fireworks, looked at the stars, and made a LOT of inappropriate, but HILARIOUS jokes.
Some of which only Sarah and I understood. Oh, how great that was... lots of tears from laughing so hard.(:

Then we left at about 11pm. All in all, it was a good day and I'm really glad I went. And, I think Ross and I found a new common ground. I think we're closer than we were before now that he knows all this stuff about me.